Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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