Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
