why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is