4 words: hood of his car
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been