The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
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so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
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We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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