Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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