I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize