In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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