I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
