New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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