This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
