so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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