I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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