Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
This baby is an asshole
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I am one with the molecules
Randomize
