drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
