fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
