I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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