how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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