He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
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