were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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