Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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