took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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