i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
