explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize