Redeem this text for a blowjob
Is it because I queefed?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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