you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
