Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
