I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
