Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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