She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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