I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
