You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
