he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
