and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
