My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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