Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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