i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
