I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
