Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
