I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
