We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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