shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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