I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
it glows. i had to have it.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
