Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
