I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
