I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
