I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
