i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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