well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
