so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
