Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
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The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
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I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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