between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
