Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
