Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
