they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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