Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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