My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
