Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
