i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Of course I have a pirate flag
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
