We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
