onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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