No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
