Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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