She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
