also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
