i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
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Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
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no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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