Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Too much gin, very little bucket
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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