Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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