just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
